March 21-April 19
A sneak hug is coming your way.
April 20 -May 20
You will eat lunch with Patrick Spring this week. What’s for lunch? White bread and mayonnaise.
May 21 -June 20
You will find true love in the next week. You will realize someone you put aside the past few weeks has grown on you. That someone is Andrew Cornio.
June 21 -July 22
Sleep with one eye open. Or two.
July 23 -August 22
Your boyfriend or a random man/women will ask you out this week for a romantic date at the diner. They will lure you there under the guise of swiping for you, but will have conveniently realize that they have misplaced their swipe when it is too late.
August 23 -September 22
I wouldn’t drink dairy this weekend, I have a feeling you’re going to be pretty intolerant.
September 23 -October 22
I have a strange feeling that you have a test this week. You don’t need to study. You’re going to fail either way.
October 23 -November 21
Don’t eat the value meal at the Diner tomorrow.
November 22 -December 21
There is a lot of anger in your brain. Douse it with cool, flavoursome, non-alcoholic beer.
December 22 -January 19
You’re the college park cuddlier. I’m calling the cops. And my mom.
January 20 -February 18
You will eat lunch this week.
February 19 -March 2
Someone is noticing you. Not in a creepy way or anything like hiding under your bed or following you around like a stalker…